Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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