I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
