He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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