Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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