are you still at the devil's house?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my shit smells like andre
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
