She is in my trunk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
