OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
