I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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