awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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