Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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