there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
