hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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