new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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