the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
