if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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