wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
