he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
