you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize