my mouth tastes like poor choices
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
