I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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