I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
