that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
