i just google imaged poop.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
