sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
