So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
