if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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