Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
