oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
