You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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