What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
