My brain says no but my pants say off.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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