i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
