if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
