I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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