Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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