I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
