i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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