so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
