I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
