You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
