My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
