He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
