Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
