Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
