home. puking in laundry basket.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
