It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hippo gnu deer
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
