Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
