So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she peed on how many people?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
