We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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