How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
