I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
