too bad you live with your parents still
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
